Gaslighting: What it is and How It Changes You

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which one person causes another to doubt their own perceptions, memories, or sense of reality. A key feature of gaslighting is the deliberate distortion or denial of facts. The gaslighter may insist events did not happen, claim the victim is “overreacting,” or accuse them of being too sensitive or irrational. Over time, these tactics erode the victim’s confidence in their own emotions and judgments.

Signs of Gaslighting

One of the earliest signs of gaslighting is a pattern of chronic minimization. The gaslighter may dismiss your feelings by saying things like “you’re overreacting,” “you’re imagining things,” or “you’re too sensitive.” These statements sound mild on the surface, but they chip away at your sense of emotional validity. Over time, you may find yourself apologizing for having normal reactions or suppressing your own needs to avoid being criticized.

Another strong indicator is denial of previous events, even when there is clear evidence. The gaslighter might insist they never said something they clearly did, or contradict themselves repeatedly while blaming you for being “confused.” This tactic destabilizes your memory and creates doubt about your ability to recall facts accurately. You may begin to question whether you misunderstood—even when you know you didn’t.

Gaslighters also tend to use projection as a strategy. They may accuse you of the very behaviors they’re engaging in: lying, being manipulative, or acting irrationally. This not only diverts attention away from their actions but also keeps you occupied defending yourself. The more time you spend disproving false accusations, the less time you have to recognize the underlying manipulation.

A powerful sign is that you begin to feel like you’re “walking on eggshells.” You may monitor your words, hide your emotions, or rehearse what you want to say to avoid conflict. You may also notice that you doubt yourself more than before—questioning your memory, judgment, and sanity. Feeling confused or “foggy,” especially around the gaslighter, is a hallmark of this kind of manipulation.

The Effects of Gaslighting

Being repeatedly told that one’s feelings or memories are wrong takes a heavy mental toll. Over time, victims may experience chronic self-doubt, even about everyday decisions. Their sense of identity can weaken as they begin to rely on the gaslighter’s version of events instead of their own. This uncertainty can lead to a deep feeling of helplessness, as if the ground beneath them is constantly shifting and cannot be trusted.

The stress associated with gaslighting often manifests in anxiety. Victims may become hyper-vigilant, constantly second-guessing what they say or do to avoid conflict or further invalidation. They may also develop symptoms of depression, including low self-esteem, hopelessness, and withdrawal from others. Since gaslighting attacks a person’s core sense of self, it can have long-lasting effects on emotional stability and overall mental health.

Gaslighting can also damage a person’s ability to trust—not only others, but themselves. After prolonged manipulation, victims may question their own intuition and struggle to reconnect with their internal compass. This lingering mistrust can make forming new relationships difficult, as the victim may fear being manipulated again or worry that their perceptions cannot be relied upon.

The effects can extend into physical health as well. The chronic stress caused by gaslighting can lead to headaches, sleep disturbances, fatigue, and changes in appetite. The emotional strain may also weaken the immune system or contribute to stress-related illnesses, further impacting daily functioning.

Recovering from gaslighting typically requires a process of rebuilding one’s sense of reality and self-trust. This can involve therapy, support from trusted friends or family, and developing stronger emotional boundaries. Awareness and validation are crucial; simply having one’s experience acknowledged can be a powerful first step toward healing. With time, victims can reclaim clarity, confidence, and autonomy, eventually breaking free from the distorted narrative imposed upon them.